Sounds Out Of This World (omega records)
This states it is a "balance test demonstration" record and stereophonic. Well, I guess this makes sense. A stereo balance record that is in mono wouldn’t do much good. There doesn’t seem to be any band listed. Is it possible that the sounds on this record were recorded by beings "out of this world"? Oh my! I believe I just might have uncovered top secret government recordings accidentally shipped to the Salvation Army by mistake! There are references on the label to the moon, Jupiter, and "cum-ba-see." Cum-ba-see, cum-ba-see, come by and see what? What are they hiding? Is there a clue in the label? Omega = last. This might be their final communication. But what are they trying to communicate? Who or what are these beings? Who is that knocking at my door at this hour? Who are you? What do you want? Give me back my record!
Reveen Stop Smoking And Overeating (Reveen Recordings)
This record uses "positive suggestion" effective in the "mesmeric state of drowsy relaxation." Reveen, you are getting very sleepy. You dress like a clown and have a bad hair-cut. Where did you get that belt buckle; prison? I realize being a Canadian gives you a handicap, but there are limits. Medical science has frequently warned against the dangers of dressing bad and scaring people. Millions of people are trying to stop dressing bad or wishing they could but it is a strong, stubborn habit. Making the task still more difficult is the continual pressure from other people who dress bad and have horrible haircuts. Some bad dressers actually take malicious pleasure in frustrating other people’s efforts. On the count of three you will wake up, go shopping for some non-synthetic fabrics in neutral colors, and go see a hairdresser. One... two...
Martin Denny Primitava (Liberty)
Okay, I admit it: I stacked the deck. I need to say this about Primitava, it’s my favorite cover of ALL time, bar none. The word "exotic" doesn’t even begin to describe the cover. The tingly feeling I get when I hold this record in my hand is intense. The warm, flowing water just above the waist, the red lipstick and nails, the ripped shirt exposing the entire right arm and most of the breasts including a visible tan line. The hair that is covering a portion of the left breast. The hair, the hair. The long lashes that Maybelline could only dream about. The hands cupped in the water saying, "drink from me." I want to thank Garrett-Howard, where ever he might be, for creating this photographic work of art and thank the tiki gods for creating a woman this beautiful. All this and in "transitorized sterophonic spectrasonic sound." It’s m'gambo mambo time, baby!
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